Ramble and Fumble 5: We are talking…?

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You sit across my table, an invited guest who is about to become an uninvited one. That is the presumption for many conversations that happen over a scrumptious meat filled omelette. The one who orders the cabbage sandwich does most of the talking as the person would justify the presence of only cabbage and sauce inside the sandwich. The one who orders the above would have enough to dream about as she/he relishes each bite and texture of the dish. The tea though, binds with the cold coffee on the other side and provides a good conversation. The converse situation can also happen but such is left for another day: when an uninvited guest becomes invited.

Today, we will talk about neither.

Sometimes, the uninvited remains uninvited.

The one who pops up with the conversation, disturbing the staunch silence while one munches on a scrumptious omelette, is sufficiently aware of her/his crimes. Therefore, that interruption demands respect, empathy, and kindness; unless the person stops to say “hi” and proceeds to comment on the barbecue sauce dripping off your beard or criticize your attire. The interruption demands attention because something on your table will attract the person due to a connected memory or a liking. Perhaps, a book that both of you have read, or a logo on your bag of the college that you both went to.

You do not like the interruption. But the intruder wants a softer moment in her/his day. You owe them nothing. You can choose to hum a reply and carry on eating. It is perfectly okay. But what if you break into a smile? The omelette with the pulled pork waits for you patiently. The taste in your mouth dances like the decorations in the evening breeze. Your gaze upon the beautiful paintings meld with your dreams. And the hot tea brings you back to reality as you prepare to take another bite.

“Um… are you talking to me?” your halting reply to the question (remains a variable) is enough to implicate that you have been disturbed.

The intruder remains. Now, if the (variable) question was offending, the best course of action would be your instinct. If not, do spare a thought for the question and answer politely, breaking into a smile.

“Are you enjoying this book by Jhumpa Lahiri?” The question seems innocuous. It can be answered. “Yes, actually, I may have some unpopular opinions, but I like the stories.” The reply is brief.

“Really? I would like to hear your opinions!” the intruder may pull a chair opposite to you and try to barge in. If she/he is polite, the conversation would end with widened eyes, smiles, and a series of nods.

But if the intruder does succeed in sitting in the field of vision of your omelette, one may do the following. “I am still reading it. I will write about it on my blog.” This MAY alleviate the situation while also get more blog traffic. Good marketing, I say. Saying something like “How dare you sit here without my permission!” would be dramatic and would definitely bring your adrenaline to a point where you would not feel the flavour of the omelette for the next five bites.

One of the best things to do would be to politely indicate that you want to be left alone. Even then, if the intruder turns the conversation to weather, one might throw a glass of water at his/her face and say, “AccuWeather predicted rain.” The manager and the waiter will take care of the rest.

I might have said something about welcoming an intruder to a personal space. I was just exploring a scenario. I would not advise doing such a thing when you have great food on your table. If the intruder happens to be a good looking and appealing individual, that should not be a criteria for your judgement. At least, I cannot support that while I write this as we should be able to remain impartial to a person’s looks but decide on their characters. In short, do as you please.

That said, if you are a stranger to me, even in an airport, my reaction to unsolicited conversation (in my head) is usually, “So, we are talking…?”